I have wanted to be a mom ever since I was 25, I would spend hours day dreaming of what life would be like once I became a mother. I would ask my friends what being a mother felt like, what having an extension of themselves in the world was like and of course I would get a variety of answers, most of them positive but none of them could have prepared me for motherhood. I have two healthy baby boys but nothing about carrying them was pleasant. I carried my twins full term and I remember being so tired on the 9th month I was begging the nurse to book me in for a C-section procedure. No one talks about how tired your body is by the time you reach the 8th month. It’s a never ending bad dream of insomnia, struggling with sleeping comfortably and being kicked from the inside every now and again.  I got diagnosed with sciatica when I was 3 months pregnant so for most of my pregnancy I depended on a wheelchair and crutches. Sciatica is pain radiating along the sciatic nerve, which runs down on both legs. It is caused by pressure on the nerve which produces a very aggressive pain, I was not able to walk, sleep or just sit still, it was the worst kind of pain and I could take nothing for it besides paracetamol because I was pregnant, paracetamol made no difference.

I delivered my twins without any complications and they continue to bring me joy everyday but do I want to have more children? No.  My family tells me that once the boys are grown I will want to have another baby but I don’t think so.  I had extreme nausea for the first 3 months of my pregnancy, I lost so much weight and I was at the verge of a miscarriage because I couldn’t keep anything down for over a month, the mere sight of food made me want to die. Perhaps the trauma of pregnancy will wear off at some point and when that does happen I will consider more children but until then I don’t see it happening.